As time goes by

I know it's been a while but believe me when I say that my absence from Blogland wasn't in any way intentional. In fact, I've lost count of the times when I woke up, determined to virtually put pen to paper that day, only for it to go pear shaped as, when push came to shove, by the end of the day time seemed to have evaporated into thin air. 

My 10th Blogiversary on the 5th of March, which was supposed to be a red letter day, came and went, with only the briefest of mentions on my Instagram. On one of the rare occasions when we managed to take outfit photos, I happened to be wearing a vintage Crimplene dress from the Finnish Karelia label which I was wearing in one of my very first blog posts back in March 2016.

Funnily enough, I seem to be wearing the same colour of tights - perhaps even the same pair - but I haven't worn the jacket nor the beret in a very long time. I might still have the shoes rattling around somewhere at the bottom of my wardrobe, but I know for a fact that I sold the handbag. 

The post in question, which you can find here, was called A Walk in the Park, which I can assure you cannot be said of life at Dove Cottage at the moment.

To give you a short update, just under a week after his first chemotherapy session Jos started having side effects, notably utter fatigue and complete lost of appetite. If that wasn't bad enough, he also suffered from an alarming drop in blood pressure whenever he got up on his feet. We now know that this too is to be blamed on chemotherapy, but it definitely didn't help that he wasn't eating and drinking nearly enough. The combined result of this was that at one point we ended up in A&E after he'd had a fall - thankfully nothing too serious apart from his face looking like he'd been in a fight - and that his next chemotherapy session got postponed by a week as he needed to get stronger first. I'm not joking when I tell you he was actually prescribed an unhealthy diet involving lots of sugar and salt! 

Now, without further ado, here are some of the things I've been up to since I last posted all of six (eek!) weeks ago.

I've been reading, although admittedly nothing too taxing for my constantly muddled brain.

And I've been wearing clothes, obviously, making the effort to carefully put together outfits like I've always done, even if most of them do not make it onto my camera roll.

Here I am wearing a beloved cord skirt bought on the high street in November 2023, combined with a vintage Diolen C&A blouse I picked up from Think Twice a couple of weeks later.

This black floral A-line dress, which has been in my wardrobe for what feels like forever, was a Think Twice find as well, while my long pink cardigan is from Mango via the charity shops. The gods of the charity shops also gifted me with the green boots back in December 2021. A holy grail if ever there was one.

My lunch breaks rarely take me to Think Twice like they used to, but I gladly made an exception for a cappuccino catch-up with my dearest friend Inez. As the shop had just started one of their famous sales, it would have been a crime not to have a quick look. Priced at a silly € 4,20, this Norwegian style jumper was a no-brainer.

I wore it on a bitterly cold Saturday a couple of days later, combined with an electric blue new wool vintage skirt I'd found back in December and a charity shopped half-elasticated suede belt.

Speaking of charity shops, it boggles my mind to think I've so far only been for a rummage twice this year. However, that day I decided to walk to our most local shop, which is just over a kilometer from Dove Cottage.

I was rewarded for my efforts with this gorgeous Zara jumper, which Kezzie declared to be very Anne of Green Gables when I sent her a photo. I'd been trying in vain to take a decent mirror selfie but had to admit defeat and ask a fellow shopper for help :-)

Any walks have been largely solo affairs, one of which took me to a local park, where the sight of a sea of wood anemones gladdened my heart and put a spring in my step. 

Even so, it truly beggars belief that Spring is once again upon us, and that life goes on even if I haven't felt particularly part of it these last couple of months.

Another day found me taking the bus to our neighbouring village of Edegem for a stroll at Hof ter Linden. 

Here I was, lost in thought and very much minding my own business, when much to our mutual delight I ran into our friends Ingrid and Luc.

We spent half an hour or so sitting and talking on a sun-drenched bench before continuing our respective walks.  It was so good to see them!

Before I bid you goodbye for now - with a promise not to leave it that long this time - here's a view across the lake to the castle, which is currently in the final stages of restoration.

Hope to be back soon!

It's time the tale were told

Oh dear, I can't believe it's been almost a month that I last put in an appearance here. I'm sure my continuing absence from blogland has got some of you worried, but in spite of my best intentions I haven't been able to summon up the energy to virtually put pen to paper and post another update.

Things have taken a turn for the worse, you see. When we went to the hospital for a  follow-up appointment on the 4th of February - a rare sunny day, and coincidentally our 31st wedding anniversary - we were given some devastating news which needless to say has knocked us both for six.

When Jos was hospitalized back in January, a routine test revealed some fluid around his lungs in which some atypical cells were discovered. He thereupon got keyhole surgery during which some lung tissue was taken for further testing.

Unfortunately, the biopsy results showed that he's got mesothelioma or asbestos-related cancer. It's still in the very early stages, so that he's eligible for chemotherapy, eventually followed by complex surgery which, if all goes well, is expected to take place somewhere in June.

Hardly a day goes by without another worry to add to our load and it feels as if our lives are no longer our own. But some days are better than others and on the better ones we are determined not to lose hope.

My wise friend Sheila has told me that self-care isn't selfish, which I'm adopting as my motto. As part of my self-care package I am mentally preparing for my return to blogland, although I suspect I won't be able to be around as much as I used to. 

However, with my 10th Blogiversary coming up in March - where did that time go? - it would be a shame to call it a day.

Hope to be joining you again soon!

A little update

 Although I won't be returning to blogland just yet, I thought I'd drop in and give you an update on how Jos is doing.

But first things first. I would like to thank those of you who left such heartwarming comments on my previous post and those of you who kindly checked in with me through private messages.

After having spent 3 weeks in hospital during which he had surgery, Jos was finally allowed to come home last Wednesday. He's still got a way to go before he'll be back on his feet so we're taking it day by day, cherishing every step into the right direction.

Time has been unhurried but relentless, and it's truly mind-boggling that most of January has come and gone while we've been living this half-life which feels light years away from the one we used to live before our world came tumbling down.

Thankfully I had the pleasure of Bess's company while Jos was in hospital. 

She insisted on sleeping with me all night demanding cuddles and purring loudly whenever she thought I was awake. And I definitely lay awake worrying most nights, particularly during those first couple of weeks.

Obviously no outfit photos were taken - unless you count the one of me wearing pyjamas - although I promise you I did manage to dress up on most days, even if I did accessorize only sparingly and my make-up routine went out of the window.

The photos accompanying this post were taken in our back garden during the cold snap we had a couple of weeks ago or while running errands in our village.

Meanwhile, and much to Bess's joy, it's the return of the hospital bed ...

I'm desperately missing my blogging friends so I'm hoping to return soon. After all, there's still that December backlog to catch up on.

This is not a blog post

Well, technically speaking it is, but it's not one of those you would expect from me when you see my blog pop up in your reader.

After Jos had been feeling unwell all through our Christmas break, things came to a head on New Year's Eve, when he was taken to A&E by ambulance. 

They've been doing a whole battery of tests but so far we're still in the dark as to what is ailing him exactly. The main thing as that he's being properly looked after.

My days have been a whirlwind of hospital visits while trying to keep things afloat here at Dove Cottage and making sure I get some rest. The latter is easier said than done as I keep having panic attacks and lying awake at night worrying.

I'm still reading your posts whenever I'm in need of a slice of normality but I haven't got the energy for leaving comments.

Normal service will be resumed when there's some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

The photos accompanying this post were all taken during my hospital visits the last couple of days, except for the snowy roofscape which was taken from our bedroom window on Saturday morning.

Thank you for reading and bearing with me. Hope to see you soon!