Trouble in paradise

It's nothing short of a miracle that I actually got this post written and published - albeit with a day's delay - as its creation caused me blood, sweat and quite a lot of tears. The first week of February wasn't one I wanted to relive in a hurry. In normal circumstances - whatever they are - the week is punctuated by our wedding anniversary on the 4th. If we'd lamented the difference with last year's Silver Wedding celebrations spent roaming around Bruges, little did we know that worse was to come and that from now on the week would be forever marred by the loss of our fur-baby on the 6th.

So, what to do? I never had the intention of ignoring what happened, but at the same time, I didn't want it to be the post's main focus. After all, I already paid tribute to our girl in a previous post. Two weeks on, the pain is still there, but it's no longer heart-wrenching, scar tissue slowly but surely covering the fissures in our hearts.

In the end, I thought the best thing to do was to plunge right in, and see where that got me. 

Let's start with that Monday, which the calendar indicated was the 1st of February. 

Before driving off to the office, Jos told me he was a bit worried about Phoebe, as she hadn't eaten yet and seemed to be having a bit of an off-day. Nothing too unusual, as Her Grumpiness certainly did have her moods, so when Jos texted me mid-morning to tell me she had eaten a few morsels and had been for a foray into the garden, we put it down to one of those.

On Tuesday she seemed to be more or less back to her normal self, which was a relief, although she still wasn't eating very much, nor was she very active.

It was another damp and dismal day, at odds with the temperature which had once again crept up to about 10°C.

In order to add a bright spark to the day, my wardrobe decided that purples and pinks, with a generous dollop of orange, were on the menu.

A Think Twice € 2 sales bargain at the tail end of 2019, this pussy-bow frock won me over with its funky print, combining stripes and chevrons in various shades of purple and a dash of white with accent diamonds in pink and burnt orange. It was from the latter that I took my lead for my opaques and cardigan, to which I pinned an enamelled peacock feathers brooch.

The dress's pussy-bow was kept in check with a pink-hearted brooch. At my waist, a recently charity shopped wide purple leather belt with a gold-tone and leather buckle. My purple mohair beret and burgundy vintage boots came out to play at well, even if only to step out into the garden for the obligatory outfit photos.

Although I couldn't have told you off the top of my head, my journal insists I wasn't idle that day. Apparently, I washed a batch of face masks, dusted the upstairs rooms, cleaned Sunday’s dried mud off my snow boots and caught up with blogland. 

This still left some time to read a couple of pages in my latest book. Sarah Winman's debut novel, When God Was a Rabbit (2011) is a compelling read, beautifully written and at times quite funny. In spite of the worry of this week, I managed to laugh out loud more than once.

And then it was Thursday. Phoebe was still off her food, but as she didn't say no to tuna or treats, Jos called the vet who agreed it was a good idea to try and give her some regular cat food instead of the diet food she'd been living on for 7 years. We were relieved to see she devoured the seafood variety Jos brought back from the supermarket, polishing off most of the sachet over the course of the day.

It was a sunny day for once and as the temperature continued to be a mild-ish 10°C, I plucked this plum coloured midi dress from my wardrobe. Liberally printed with Paisley motifs and exotic blooms, it was bought brand new, snapped up in the January sales in 2019. Its fabric is a lightweight polyester blend, so it needed a three-quarter sleeve t-shirt layered underneath, as well as a cardigan worn on top.

Both the belt and the beret are old Think Twice finds, while the beaded necklace was charity shopped. The brooch was bought from the Brooch Lady at an antiques fair in the Autumn of 2017.

The Nordic style cardigan is H&M by way of a charity shop not all too long ago. It did come with a couple of issues, as I soon noticed a couple of loose stitches in its knit. And although I wasn't averse to its buttons, their dangling nature made the cardigan look all wonky when closed. This annoyed me no end, so my first job of the day was replacing them with flat ones from my stash of vintage buttons.

After lunch, we debated whether to go for a walk, but neither of us felt like it so, while Jos returned the car to the garage, I walked into the village, purchasing a couple of essentials at the drugstore.

My outerwear consisted of my green fur collared jacket and pink frilly scarf. My green wedge-heeled lace-up ankle boots made their maiden voyage. You can catch a glimpse of my bright pink ankle socks intentionally peeking out for contrast!

Back at home, I cleaned all the hairbrushes, and then proceeded to clean the two top shelves and their contents of the camera display cabinet, which lives in our hallway.

A daunting and fiddly task, so I left the two bottom shelves for another day. Due to circumstances, this day only came two weeks later ...

The folding cameras on display on the top shelves are the oldest in our collection, dating from the 1910s and 1920s. In fact, our collection was sparked by the one in the middle, which we found in an antiques shop in Bradford-on-Avon in 1996. 

The couple in the photograph are my maternal grandparents taken on their wedding day in 1934. When we were clearing the parental home, we came across the glass slide, meant for projection by magic lantern. Already having various prints of the photograph in my collection, I instantly recognized its subject matter, thus preventing it from ending up in the thrash. 

On the bottom right is a curiosity. The box reading Fanal Blitz contains sachets of "flash powder" which, when ignited, produced a bright flash that could be captured on film. Early photography wasn't without its perils!

The second shelf mainly contains so-called box cameras dating from the 1930s to the 1950s, from the very basic all-black boxes to the Kodak Brownie Model I, which was introduced in 1957 (below, left).

The "twin-lens" Brownie reflex on the right dates from the late 1940s.

That night, although she was eagerly awaiting them, Phoebe seemed to have problems eating her treats, which led us to suspect she might have an infected tooth or something similar. However, due to the fact that she was generally acting out of sorts, and that her belly seemed to be quite bloated, even if she was a bit chubby at the best of times, we had the niggling feeling that all was not well.

We called the vet first thing on Friday morning and an appointment was made for Saturday in the early afternoon. We'd both slept very badly that night, and I was in sore need of what Sheila is calling Clothing as Armour.

My recently charity shopped blue Tweed skirt was begging for an outing, and after a pleasurable rummage in my wardrobe - anything to put my mind off things - I opted for this black floral beauty of a blouse. It was yet another old Think Twice find and I have reason to suspect that it might have started life as a dress. 

I wore it on top of the skirt rather than tucked in, adding a squidgy, pale blue belt with a rectangular buckle at my waist.  A blue t-shirt was layered underneath, and I pinned a red floral fabric flower corsage among the meadow of blooms. A final accessory was added in the form of a red glass beaded necklace.

I wore a beret and opaques in different shades of blue. At my feet, the floral textured suede Tamaris ankle boots I found at Oxfam the other week.

Anything to put our minds off things so, after making sure that Phoebe was comfortable, we escaped the house for an hour or so, going for a wee rummage in our local charity shop.

The summer top is another King Louie find, while the candy striped finely knit dress is by posh Belgian label Caroline Biss. The dresses on their website retail at € 200 plus, so surely the € 6,50 I paid for it was money well spent.

My way to the till took me through the rail of coats and jackets. As I've got far too many of those already, I usually put my blinkers on, but I was nevertheless drawn to a flash of mustard yellow among all the boring neutrals.

Now, tell me, how would I have been able to withstand its double collar and sleeve cuffs? It's by Spanish brand Cortefiel and it has ... pockets!

For obvious reasons, no photos were taken on Saturday. When the time was there and we had to put Phoebe into her carrier, I just knew this was it.  Nevertheless, after Jos called me about 45 minutes later and we agreed on what had to be done, I howled like I've never done before in my life.

We just had to let the world know and we were both very touched by all the words of comfort, both from our real life and our virtual friends and acquaintances. 

It started snowing in the evening, carpeting our world with a comfort blanket of snow flakes.

We'd stayed up late on Saturday and even watched part 2 of The Pembrokeshire Murders which, surprisingly, was able to temporarily transport us away from our sorrows.

Waking up to a house which felt weirdly empty on Sunday morning was a bit of  a blow to the solar plexus, although we felt remarkably refreshed after a good night's sleep. 

Saturday's torrent of tears had dried up, leaving me sore-eyed, and phonecalls with both my sister and my friend and ex-colleague Kris did me the world of good.

It goes without saying that I got dressed up - Clothing as Armour, remember - and even managed not to look too sad in the outfit photos we made outside in the snow.

The eagle-eyed among you might recognize the dress, which I retrieved from the flea market boxes.

Admittedly, the black and white necklace I was wearing does disappear a bit among the dress's funky print. I wore cobalt blue opaques and a ditto long-line cardigan, to which I pinned a white knitted flower corsage. A burgundy woolly beret and, of course, my snow boots, completed my outfit.

And so we have come to the end of the week and it's with a sigh of relief that I'm typing these final words. So glad to have this over with!

I'll be back with a sunnier outlook in a couple of days. Do stay safe, sane and sensational!