It's time the tale were told

Oh dear, I can't believe it's been almost a month that I last put in an appearance here. I'm sure my continuing absence from blogland has got some of you worried, but in spite of my best intentions I haven't been able to summon up the energy to virtually put pen to paper and post another update.

Things have taken a turn for the worse, you see. When we went to the hospital for a  follow-up appointment on the 4th of February - a rare sunny day, and coincidentally our 31st wedding anniversary - we were given some devastating news which needless to say has knocked us both for six.

When Jos was hospitalized back in January, a routine test revealed some fluid around his lungs in which some atypical cells were discovered. He thereupon got keyhole surgery during which some lung tissue was taken for further testing.

Unfortunately, the biopsy results showed that he's got mesothelioma or asbestos-related cancer. It's still in the very early stages, so that he's eligible for chemotherapy, eventually followed by complex surgery which, if all goes well, is expected to take place somewhere in June.

Hardly a day goes by without another worry to add to our load and it feels as if our lives are no longer our own. But some days are better than others and on the better ones we are determined not to lose hope.

My wise friend Sheila has told me that self-care isn't selfish, which I'm adopting as my motto. As part of my self-care package I am mentally preparing for my return to blogland, although I suspect I won't be able to be around as much as I used to. 

However, with my 10th Blogiversary coming up in March - where did that time go? - it would be a shame to call it a day.

Hope to be joining you again soon!

A little update

 Although I won't be returning to blogland just yet, I thought I'd drop in and give you an update on how Jos is doing.

But first things first. I would like to thank those of you who left such heartwarming comments on my previous post and those of you who kindly checked in with me through private messages.

After having spent 3 weeks in hospital during which he had surgery, Jos was finally allowed to come home last Wednesday. He's still got a way to go before he'll be back on his feet so we're taking it day by day, cherishing every step into the right direction.

Time has been unhurried but relentless, and it's truly mind-boggling that most of January has come and gone while we've been living this half-life which feels light years away from the one we used to live before our world came tumbling down.

Thankfully I had the pleasure of Bess's company while Jos was in hospital. 

She insisted on sleeping with me all night demanding cuddles and purring loudly whenever she thought I was awake. And I definitely lay awake worrying most nights, particularly during those first couple of weeks.

Obviously no outfit photos were taken - unless you count the one of me wearing pyjamas - although I promise you I did manage to dress up on most days, even if I did accessorize only sparingly and my make-up routine went out of the window.

The photos accompanying this post were taken in our back garden during the cold snap we had a couple of weeks ago or while running errands in our village.

Meanwhile, and much to Bess's joy, it's the return of the hospital bed ...

I'm desperately missing my blogging friends so I'm hoping to return soon. After all, there's still that December backlog to catch up on.

This is not a blog post

Well, technically speaking it is, but it's not one of those you would expect from me when you see my blog pop up in your reader.

After Jos had been feeling unwell all through our Christmas break, things came to a head on New Year's Eve, when he was taken to A&E by ambulance. 

They've been doing a whole battery of tests but so far we're still in the dark as to what is ailing him exactly. The main thing as that he's being properly looked after.

My days have been a whirlwind of hospital visits while trying to keep things afloat here at Dove Cottage and making sure I get some rest. The latter is easier said than done as I keep having panic attacks and lying awake at night worrying.

I'm still reading your posts whenever I'm in need of a slice of normality but I haven't got the energy for leaving comments.

Normal service will be resumed when there's some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

The photos accompanying this post were all taken during my hospital visits the last couple of days, except for the snowy roofscape which was taken from our bedroom window on Saturday morning.

Thank you for reading and bearing with me. Hope to see you soon!